Lucy Vickery

Spectator competition winners: Shall I compare thee to a Stilton? 

‘In mellower moods, he is one of Nature’s Stilton cheeses – smooth and creamy, streaked with blue…’. Credit: Jeff Gilbert / Alamy Stock Photo 
issue 25 March 2023

In Competition No. 3291, you were invited to provide a profile of a well-known person in which their qualities are compared to items of food or drink.

A commendation to Chris O’Carroll for his gastronomical portrait of Jeremy Clarkson – ‘…the scorching sarcasm he deploys in lieu of wit manages to combine the sadistic fire of Ghost Peppers, Carolina Reapers and the like with the sorry shapelessness of a bland swede mash or a gummy tangle of damp pasta…’ – and £25 to the winners.

Mr Lee Anderson is a giant cock-on-a-stick, Goose Fair’s abiding sweet treat, a sticky Nottinghamshire delicacy with a bit of bite – not something to chew over, more something ready to snap. In mellower moods, he is one of Nature’s Stilton cheeses – smooth and creamy, streaked with blue after he’s been needled, just a little bit nutty, outwardly rather crusty, a lovely old-fashioned taste, a traditional big cheese not suitable for vegetarians.

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