Spectator competition winners: rude limericks by well-known writers

Leafing through Vern L. Bullough’s Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia, I discovered that Tennyson wrote rude limericks as an antidote to the rigours of more serious writing, and it inspired me to challenge you to compose ribald limericks in the style of a well-known writer. Tennyson obviously isn’t alone. William Baring-Gould, who wrote a history of the genre, noted that when a limerick appears, sex is not far behind. Or, to put it another way:

The limerick’s an art form complex Whose contents run chiefly to sex; It’s famous for virgins And masculine urgins And vulgar, erotic effects

The challenge went down a storm, pulling in a record-breaking entry. The best of the bunch are rewarded with £8 each.

John Whitworth/Philip Larkin Though most of my loves are Platonicer, It was always quite different with Monica. If I’ve got a hard ’un Down there in the garden, We do it behind the Japonica.

Max Gutmann/Ogden Nash Although candy is dandy, what’s finer And much quicker is liquor, so wine her.