Spectator competition winners: politically correct versions of works by unreconstructed male writers

In Competition No. 3289, you were invited to provide an extract from a politically correct version of a work by an unreconstructed male novelist or poet. 

An honourable mention to Alex Steelsmith for his reimagining of ‘Song of Myself’ by Walt Whitman, celebrated poet but also author of the long-forgotten Manly Health and Training in which he prescribes a meat-only diet, naked sunbathing and the avoidance of the draining company of women. Here is a snippet: 

My pronouns are They, Them and Theirs.
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

And to David Shields, who recasts Philip Larkin’s ‘High Windows’ for 21st-century sensibilities:

When I see two young people
And guess s/he/they is/are conducting
A meaningful relationship
With him/her/them, and taking

Responsible precautions…

Most popular

Druin Burch

Lucy Letby and the killer nurse I worked with

Deedee McCarthy, Chris O’Carroll, Carolyn Beckingham and Bob Johnston also shone, but the £30 prize goes to the authors of the entries printed below.

The reaper’s privacy is prime
So I won’t stop and stare.