For the latest competition you were invited to filter popular nursery rhymes through the prism of political correctness. Some years ago, CBeebies came under fire when it took all the fun out of ‘Humpty Dumpty’ by changing the words to give it a happy ending. And it wasn’t just Humpty; Little Miss Muffet and the spider lived nauseatingly happily ever after too.
Now that this culture of avoidance has well and truly taken hold, with the explosion of safe spaces and trigger warnings, it felt like high time to invite you to recast other favourite rhymes into a format that will be acceptable to the offspring of Generation Snowflake.
The first five winners printed below earn £20; the remaining seven nab a tenner each.
Frank Upton Solomon Grundy Born on Monday Named on Tuesday Entered into a mutually-supportive non-patriarchal non-binary relationship on Wednesday Took ill on Thursday Grew worse on Friday Got better on Saturday Tweeted inappropriately on Sunday And that was the end of Solomon Grundy
Robert Schechter Twinkle, twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are! Way above the world so high, As what do you identify? Twinkle twinkle little star, You are just what you say you are!
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
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