In Competition No. 3246, you were invited to submit a poem in the style of the poet of your choice about a problematic appendage.
Taking pride of place alongside Philip Larkin’s troublesome penis were Heaney’s big toe, Shelley’s belly, and a series of noses, among them Mike Morrison/Ogden Nash:
This nose/conk/beak/hooter/schnozzle Has brought me nothing but anguish and schemozzle…
An honourable mention also goes to Alex Steelsmith/Edward FitzGerald:
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on – and there’s the Rub; it doesn’t quit. It probes a Naris, Concha and anon Explores a Sphincter, Orifice and Pit…
The winners, below, earn £20 each.
Shall I compare thee to the King of Spain’s? To Walsingham’s or Raleigh’s? Francis Drake’s Or Marlowe’s? To Da Vinci’s, which he trains Long, very like Medusa – sans the snakes? A plague on thee, beard! On each arrant knave Who plucks and pulls at thee and calls thee ‘scruff’, Cries ‘William, we beg thee, have a shave! Unbeard thyself, good Will, we’ve seen enough.’
Get Britain's best politics newsletters
Register to get The Spectator's insight and opinion straight to your inbox. You can then read two free articles each week.
Already a subscriber? Log in
Comments
Join the debate for just $5 for 3 months
Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for $5.
UNLOCK ACCESS Just $5 for 3 monthsAlready a subscriber? Log in