Spectator competition winners: poems about conspiracy theories

In Competition No. 3334 you were invited to submit a poem about conspiracy theories.

Trawling the net for examples, I found, alongside the more familiar ones – a reptilian elite, JFK’s assassination, commie fluoridation – whispers of chemicals in the water to turn the frogs gay and that Finland is a myth.

In a hotly contested week, Adrian Fry, Sylvia Smith, Janine Beacham, Nicholas Lee and Nick MacKinnon earn honourable mentions while the prizewinners, printed below, snaffle £25 apiece.

Our WhatsApp know what’s what. We know
the council’s spying on our bins
with microchip-type spyware, so
they know who puts out unwashed tins.
Ken says they read our post as well
and pick on those who read the Sun
and the Express, and they can tell
the way we vote and Dave’s the one
who says the bins will programme us
until we can’t think for ourselves
and then we’ll end up like Liz Truss,
all lookalikes for Santa’s Elves.
There’s cameras watching us all round,
not just for speeding but to spot
the skiving smokers, offie-bound.
Oh