Spectator competition winners: mischievous Valentine acrostics

In Competition No. 3335 you were invited to submit an acrostic poem for Valentine’s Day whose acrostic contains an unValentine-ish sentiment. The prize winners, printed below, pocket £20 apiece.

Venus, darling, gorgeous snuggly-wuggly,

Apple of my ever-loving eye, 

Let me kiss you, squeeze you, honey-bunny, 

Ever-treasured sugar, sweetie-pie,

Nuzzle me, my gorgeous, hot stud muffin,

Tweety bird, mon cher, my cara mia,

I am your own lamby-wamby snookums,

Naughty, wicked whispers in my ear,

Endlessly, my ickle lovey-dovey,

Shower me with cuddle-bun excesses, 

Intimately cooing I’m your wuv-bug, 

Stroke me with your smoochy, fond caresses,

Call me your hot mama, foxy vixen,

Romeo, my sun, my star, my comet,

Angel, we’re the cutest pair in love-land,

Pumpkin, we will make the public vomit.

Janine Beacham

Yearningly, churningly,

Oceans of ardency

Urgently surge from a

Hole in my heart;

Aiming to prey on my

Vulnerability,

Eros has struck with his

Bow and his dart.

Amorous, glamorous,

Dearest of valentines,

Beautiful temptress and

Ravishing tart,

Even your aura is

Aphrodisiacal,

Though there is one thing that

Holds us apart.

Alex Steelsmith

I worship you. You are my idol.