Spectator competition winners: mischievous Valentine acrostics

In Competition No. 3335 you were invited to submit an acrostic poem for Valentine’s Day whose acrostic contains an unValentine-ish sentiment. The prize winners, printed below, pocket £20 apiece.

Venus, darling, gorgeous snuggly-wuggly,

Apple of my ever-loving eye, 

Let me kiss you, squeeze you, honey-bunny, 

Ever-treasured sugar, sweetie-pie,

Nuzzle me, my gorgeous, hot stud muffin,

Tweety bird, mon cher, my cara mia,

I am your own lamby-wamby snookums,

Naughty, wicked whispers in my ear,

Endlessly, my ickle lovey-dovey,

Shower me with cuddle-bun excesses, 

Intimately cooing I’m your wuv-bug, 

Stroke me with your smoochy, fond caresses,

Call me your hot mama, foxy vixen,

Romeo, my sun, my star, my comet,

Angel, we’re the cutest pair in love-land,

Pumpkin, we will make the public vomit.

Janine Beacham

Yearningly, churningly,

Oceans of ardency

Urgently surge from a

Hole in my heart;

Aiming to prey on my

Vulnerability,

Eros has struck with his

Bow and his dart.

Amorous, glamorous,

Dearest of valentines,

Beautiful temptress and

Ravishing tart,

Even your aura is

Aphrodisiacal,

Though there is one thing that

Holds us apart.

Alex Steelsmith

I worship you. You are my idol.

Who else fills my nights and my days?

All this love you so subtly unbridle! –

No one else sets my passions ablaze.

Touch me again, my beloved,

And my skin spins – you are so erotic –

Darling! I stand here, uncovered!

I’m addicted, you are my narcotic!

Valentine’s Day is upon us:

Orgiastic, I cleave to your flesh!

Remember our vows, what we promised –

Come here, let us make them afresh.

Every day of our life’s so romantic!

Never leave me, my partner in bliss!

Oh my love, I am hot, corybantic,

Wild for your glorious kiss!

Bill Greenwell

Joined by my squeeze, among the frozen ferns,

Under the pallid winter sky that turns

Sooty at dusk when starlings murmurate:

This is my vision of an altered state

Where joy exceeds sublunar happiness

And every landscape feature seems to bless 

New-found emotions. On the skyline stand

The snow-bleached Lakeland summits. Close at hand

You notice limestone, pasture, scattered leaves,

Objectively banal, but love perceives

Under the clichéd sight a latency

Relating Nature to humanity.