Spectator competition winners: Donald Trump’s obituary for Planet Earth

The invitation to submit an obituary for planet Earth drew a smallish but varied and heartfelt entry. The usual culprits were in the frame — asteroids, global warming, hubris, Trump, Brexit… But Basil Ransome-Davies reckons the Martians have got it in for us, which struck me as altogether plausible given how Elon Musk and co. already have their beady eyes firmly fixed on the red planet. He earns an honourable mention as do C.J. Gleed, D.A. Prince and Duncan Forbes. John Whitworth snaffles the bonus fiver and his fellow winners are rewarded with £25 apiece.

John Whitworth In an obituary There’s no room for bitchery, So let’s say the earth Had some things of worth.

Angels and fairies, Cats and canaries, Camels and kiddyoes, Attenborough videos,

Woodlands for walking in, Teashops for talking in, Kitchens for cooking in, Mirrors for looking in.

Pity you blew it, But how did you do it?. God alone knows, And that’s me I suppose.

Bill Greenwell We are sorry to learn that Earth has passed away.