Brian Murdoch In Dame Europa’s school the teachers peered Out at the children thronging the school yard. The term seemed to have lasted forty years, But just now, breaking up was rather hard.
Some kids still milled about close by the school. The French fought with each other on their own. The German Head Girl tried to keep control, But had to lend the Greeks their bus-fare home.
The British children dawdled near the road Hoping someone would tell them what to do. Some of them cried, others tried to look bold. Where would they go next term? Nobody knew.
There had been talk of moving to the States, But with that new head-boy? They had to get A better offer! They all knew the date, But nobody had come to fetch them yet.
Sylvia Fairley You say you’re leaving? That’s absurd, how can we live apart? I’ll take you back — just say the word — we’ll make another start
For breaking up is hard to do, I can scarcely bear the pain, distraught that I’m unable to persuade you to remain.
I thought I’d take it in my stride, said ‘let’s negotiate,’ yet two years on, romance has died, and now we’ve reached stalemate.
Yes, breaking up is hard to do, I dread the way I’ll feel when, faced with my entreaties, you say, scornfully, ‘No Deal’.
Alanna Blake How do I break up? Let me count the ways, These hopefully might give a lead to you. With practice you won’t find it’s hard to do, It’s just a game that every smart girl plays. I start off quibbling about his looks, Point out those habits that so irritate, Then if he wants to plan a special date Choose box-set TV programmes about cooks. Next, make him wince in public when I show Affection that has grown far too intense, Dredge up some ‘needs’ that lead to great expense And turn on tears at every answer ‘No’.
Don’t overdo it, just be well rehearsed, Let him win out by breaking with you first.
Max Ross I decided I would tell her It was over when we met But her smile was so enchanting That it caused me to forget. Then when summer stopped inspiring And our winter worries grew Though I thought of separation It was very hard to do. When we had so minor quarrel And our happiness was gone, I resolved to say it’s over Then decided to postpone. Now we’re sitting in our armchairs Where our friendship has grown old And we talk of last October When we celebrated gold.
Basil Ransome-Davies Make it easy on yourself, Hal David warns, Or resentment will be treading on your corns. Though they said ‘it’s me, not you’, breaking up is hard to do. So forget the faithless squeeze who gave you horns.
Salve your pride by taking up a new pursuit Weave some baskets, say, or learn to play the flute. Jigsaw puzzles are a way of keeping suicide at bay. Wipe your mind of rueful memories and reboot.
Fill the lonely hours with alcohol and drugs. As a substitute for all the missing hugs. If you’re broke and feeling blue there is always sniffing glue, And if you’re really desperate chew the rugs.
When your dreams of romance vanish down the loo And your lifestyle has gone massively askew It does damage to your brain till you’re thoroughly insane, But breaking up’s so very hard to do.
Robert Schechter Breaking up is hard to do, …especially financially. Our bank accounts, I am afraid, …will be reduced substantially.
Together we were rich, but now …we’re heading middle-classward. And so, may I suggest, my dear, …we share one Netflix password?
Brilliant Bill Webster has invented a new form: the haikick. Like the haiku, it’s syllabic, but it adds two lines, making 5/7/5/5/7. The first line is a name. The verse also rhymes, limerick-like: line two with line five, and line three with line four. Its tone is satirical. Here is an example: David Cameron/ offered the people a choice:/ he could not believe/ that they’d vote to leave,/ quite deaf to their masters’ voice. Your next challenge is to submit your own haikicks, giving them a topical twist (a maximum of three each )by email entries to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 20 February.
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