In Competition No. 3223, you were invited to supply an acrostic poem in which the first letter of each line, read vertically, spells DENNIS AND GNASHER.
A varied and excellent entry, which celebrated with gusto the Beano’s spirit of naughtiness and irreverence, also reflected how it has evolved to accommodate modern sensibilities. As Stuart Jeffries observed recently in this magazine, Dennis’s ‘bottom these days is rarely sore since corporal punishment is frowned upon and so he cannot be given his weekly slippering…’
William McGonagall, a regular fixture in the postbag at the moment, popped up again, this time courtesy of Frank Upton:
But he was nudged out by the winners, below, who snaffle £25 each.
Dennis was my boyhood hero Every Thursday, in the Beano; Naughty, nasty window smasher, Never far from faithful Gnasher. Imp and devil, tiny terror, Showering trouble on his father, Always up for something awful, Never spurning the unlawful. Dennis was a mayhem planner Good with saw and club and spanner, Not afraid of causing panic, Artful, vengeful, often manic. Scallywag in black and crimson He was engineer of arson. Ever the young mischief master Ready for a fresh disaster. Frank McDonald
Do not drub me with the slipper Even for my wicked deeds Never lash me with the leads Not attached to Gnasher, Gnipper If you have a cane then burn it Snap your birch and trim your lashes Anything you use to thrash is Now illegal — you must spurn it Don’t on this skin raise such welts Gnasher likewise — he’s protected No one needs to be corrected And you must retire your belts Still you’re tempted? You must alter How you punish my infractions Each week though for satisfaction Really go and wallop Walter Bill Greenwell
Dad it was who took the Beano, Every week it made him roar; Not for him the wit of Wodehouse Nor the sharp satire of Waugh.
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