Spectator competition winner: saucy short stories

The American writer Richard Brautigan fulfilled his ambition to end a short story with the word ‘mayonnaise’ in his 1967 novel Trout Fishing in America. Actually, strictly speaking, he didn’t. As an eagle-eyed friend pointed out to me, the word appears, in most editions at least, as ‘mayonaise’, a deliberate misspelling on Brautigan’s part. But it was still a good excuse to invite you to write a short story ending on a condiment of your choosing. In an entry rich in invention, the pun-merchants had a field day and there were a number of Cluedo- and Wodehouse-inspired entries. Honourable mentions go to unlucky losers Peter Sain ley Berry, S.A. Leavesley, J. Seery, C.J. Gleed, Julie Hattingh and Josephine Boyle. The winners take £30, D.A. Prince pockets £35.

D.A. Prince Keith hadn’t listened properly. It was Jane’s chief complaint against him, and constituted most of their conversation these days. His retort was that her voice rattled something in his brain, shaking loose other connections.