Spectator Competition: Season’s eatings

Comp. 3379 invited you to submit a contribution to a collection of Christmas recipes by fictional characters. This is a festive version of one you made earlier, and it turned out well again. There were a couple of Ancient Mariners and Macbeth covens – special mention for Max Ross’s Christmas cauldron with its ‘badger’s head and reindeer’s toes, robin’s beak and snowman’s nose.’ A few gave meal plans rather than recipes, but George Simmers’s J. Alfred Prufrock deserves to be quoted anyway:

In the room the ladies come and go,

Preparing to watch The Gruffalo.

There was a certain amount of cannibalism, courtesy of Paul Freeman’s Hannibal Lecter and David Silverman’s Titus Andronicus, and Sylvia Fairley’s dish of Revenge served cold was not totally Christmassy. Jonathan White’s/Mr Darcy’s Spiced Regency Punch soundedactually pretty good, but some truly disgusting concoctions abounded. The winners below receive £25. Thanks for all your lovely entries over the year, and happy Christmas.

Chef molesworth of the ritz enters kitchen to make klasic xmas puding. Like nigella coo i mean gosh when she buters the basin yor pater is suddenly keen on t.v. Out puding basin mixing bowl wisk droping most on floor. Zoom about chuck 1700 currants, 5000 sultanas eggs sugar breadcrumbs flour spices into bowl before molesworth 2 eat the lot. Drop pans use friteful langwage hem-hem. Slosh in 6 cups brandy bash it all together, plop in sixpence for pater to brake tooth on, wrap puding in cloth, boil 60 hours tied in string. Wash up crash bang smash tinkle. To serv, add weedy sprig of holly, pour over 6 more cups brandy. Set on fire wizz wizz. Xplosion burns pater’s eyebrows off. Taste your kreation. ‘Rich, well-flavoured, signifficant,’ all sa. Pour on custard and cream, save slice for dere santa. Accept cordon bleu paris gold medal 1899.

Janine Beacham