Spectator competition: Running on full

Comp. 3353 invited poems about ‘dining and dashing’ – thanks to Paul Freeman for the suggestion. There was a very large postbag/inbox full of delicious offerings and I am especially sorry not to have had room for W.J. Webster condemning the crime for its name alone: ‘it isn’t just pedantic/ To say its source is transatlantic’. Josephine Boyle deserves a mention for her payoff: ‘But all deceptions have a price:/I can’t eat anywhere good twice.’ The winners get £25 (a paid-for pub lunch for one?) each.

On honeymoon, in a greasy spoon

Where we contrived to fetch up,

The tea was sweet, but our feet were fleet –

We left only a smudge of ketchup –

When they bring the menu, that is when you

Plan in which course to exit:

We’re the Bonnie and Clyde of The Good Pub Guide

When the waiter least expects it.

A thorough trough, and we’re up and off

With our credit cards still intacta

We’re adrenaline junkies who love a bunk –

Though the moolah’s an added factor.