Spectator competition: provide snippets of misleading advice for British tourists travelling abroad (plus Margaret Thatcher’s secret love poetry)

The recent challenge to unmask a secret poet among well-known figures from 20th-century history produced a postbag full of politician-bards, which included poignant lines from the pens of Edward Heath and Michael Foot. The real life poetic efforts of politicians such as Jimmy Carter have not gone down well with the critics. Harold Bloom branded him ‘in my judgment literally the worst poet in the United States’. I’m not sure that Bloom would have been any kinder to the winning entries below — or to Adrian Fry’s John Prescott. Here he is, just getting into his stride: ‘Don’t call me unsophisticated, I’ve been to Villanelle,/ I know me assonance from elbow, I’ve a cracking tale to tell…’ Honourable mentions go to Sylvia Fairley and W.J. Webster. The winners earn £25 each and George Simmers takes this week’s bonus fiver.

George Simmers/Margaret Thatcher No, I must never let this menace My relationship with Denis (Such a help-mate, though at times alas a bore), Yet sometimes I am able Underneath the Cabinet table To play footsie with a man who’s much much        more.