Spectator Competition: Pitch battle

In Competition 3359 you were invited to present an account of a historical event as football commentary. There were enough Battles of Hastings and Waterloo to fill a page but it seemed necessary to include some other deciders. Since so much footballese relies on war metaphors, it all gets quite confusing. I was sorry not to have room for Brian Murdoch’s
entry in which ‘the French WAGs back in the fanzone at Bayeux are already embroidering their win’. The following receive £25.

25 September 1066.

Welcome to Stamford Bridge, where England face Norway. The winners will meet France at Hastings, knowing a win there would make the team of ’66 national heroes, whilst a defeat would be one in the eye for already under-pressure King Harold. England line up with an all-Saxon front line, while Norway include Harald Hardrada and, intriguingly, the King’s brother, Tostig, joining them on a free transfer only yesterday! Norway get us underway, in their iconic Viking helmets, while England carry their now-familiar assortment of bows, pikestaffs and spears.