Spectator competition: Is that ‘Well Spanked’ or ‘Disappointing Sandwich’?

A spoof Farrow & Ball paint-colour chart doing the rounds on social media was the inspiration for the latest challenge. Competitors were invited to see if they could outdo the rather unappealing likes of ‘economy mince’, ‘provoked wasp’, ‘magnum of Tizer’ and ‘day at Thorpe Park’ by submitting an article from an interiors magazine featuring paint names of their own invention. High points in an otherwise patchy entry were Adrian Fry’s ‘Dresden licht’, John O’Byrne’s ‘failed rouble’, Alan Millard’s ‘hectic cockerel’, Mike Morrison’s ‘Magaluf mea culpa’ and Bill Greenwell’s ‘tartar’s lips’. Chris O’Carroll nabs the bonus fiver. The rest take £25 apiece.

Chris O’Carroll The entryway is done in this season’s all-the-rage shade of über-sunshiny yellow, Flower Formerly Known as Rape, with bold highlights in Vein of Stilton and Real Bitter. Deeper into the mansion, in rooms where large windows and good exposure provide ample natural light, the design tends toward a still vibrant but more substantial palette — Matador for the ballroom and Apoplexy for the drawing room, with highlights of Well Spanked, Pale Woad and Cornwall Daphne.