Spectator competition: Ed Miliband’s bacon roll blues (plus: new ways with Sonnet 18)

The most recent challenge asked for blues songs from well-known politicians contemplating the forthcoming general election. In a small but accomplished entry the Lib Dem leader dominated the stage. John O’Byrne’s Nick Clegg drew inspiration from B.B. King’s ‘Worry, worry’ — ‘Apologies, apologies, apologies/ Apologies are all I can do’ — and the ghosts of Robert Johnson and Big Bill Broonzy were never far away (‘It was a dream, just a dream I had on my mind/ And when I woke up, baby, not a voter could I find…’). Bill Greenwell’s contribution was in the talking blues tradition. John Whitworth and Richard Mollet earn honourable mentions, Brian Murdoch pockets the bonus fiver and the rest take £35.

Brian Murdoch Got up this morning, bought me a bacon roll. You know I got up this morning, bought me a        bacon roll. But it left me way down in the opinion poll.

I ain’t no Gordon, ain’t no Tony Blair, (bis) But the voters say I’m Goofy, Lord it just ain’t        fair.

Never been to Eton, never wore no top hats,        (bis) But the voters think I’m one of those posh        London cats.

Went to the shadow cab’net, this is what I said,        (bis) If you don’t want me with you, you’re stuck        with the other Ed.

Went to see Mister Nigel, said would Ukip work with me? (bis) He said no way baby, but you can try the SNP.

Gotta keep on truckin’, all the time till May,        (bis) ’cause my big brother, done gone to the US of A.

If I don’t win the election, I’m throwin’ in my        hand.