Spectator Competition: Comrades

Comp. 3395 yielded many fine entries in which Animal Farm became a satire on office politics. Deserving of a mention: David Silverman for his White House version featuring a ‘prize wild boar, one E. Long-Tusk’ and ‘two American XL Bullies, Don and Shady’; and Sue Pickard’s scenario in which two workers, Pinko and Porky, ‘inspired by a motivational speaker, Major Boar’, wreak havoc. Also William Linfoot, J.C.H. Mounsey and Nicholas Lee. The £25 vouchers go to those below.

Napoleon had opted to WFH that morning, drafting a presentation for a forthcoming mandatory Inclusion and Wellbeing workshop. Clover, a part–timer on account of caring responsibilities she wasn’t prepared to specify outside her appraisal, was on a programmed absence, her out-of-office email absentmindedly redirecting correspondents to contact Mollie, from whom no response would be forthcoming – not, as many might have imagined, because she was characteristically preening herself, but on account of her volunteering, in response to one of Napoleon’s inspirational directives, at a nearby charitable institution for a token few hours. Quite how many of the sheep were off sick is still disputed, their indistinguishability exacerbated by the fact that the dogs, who might have kept count, were off-site taking cigarette breaks to which they had no entitlement. The knacker’s cart must have come and gone sometime between nine and twelve. Boxer, taking some flexitime, wouldn’t know.

Adrian Fry

Ermintrude had not seen the pigs from Bovine Resources before: Woffle, a sleek Berkshire sow, Grunt, an impressively long Landrace boar, and a third, an expressionless Vietnamese pot-bellied pig who sat quietly and took notes. Woffle pointed to some mysterious marks on a flipchart.

   ‘Congratulations, comrades!’ she squealed, ‘We are well on the way to becoming the most diverse dairy herd in the land! All animals are equal! But remember, “From each according to her ability”.’