Spectator Competition: Blue Monday

For Competition 3382 you were invited to write a poem to mark this day, officially the dreariest of the year. (This year, as a few pointed out, it doubles as Inauguration Day. Things can only get better!) Responses ranged from Tracy Davidson’s ‘It’s just a Monday. You’ll be fine’ to Sylvia Fairley’s despairing ‘When will the End of Life bill become law?’ The £25 prizes go to the following.

I never liked the Christmas crowd,

Carolling all and sundry.

A January man, and proud,

My feast day is Blue Monday,

Which I keep rather as a fast,

Doing no holidaying,

I work, like others of the past

Whose debts required paying.

No offices need I perform,

I work all day. Come evening,

I sit home, hopeless, far from warm,

Devout yet unbelieving.

Blue Monday shows life as a swizz,

A doldrum without savour.

I see you know that’s how it is

And keep it likewise, neighbour.

Adrian Fry

The dreary weather, Christmas debt;

those resolutions? – all regret.

You’ve missed by miles each target set.

That’s why it’s ‘blue’.

Your plans for gym’n’jogging shot,

likewise that early-rising slot

to hone your novel’s perfect plot –

all failed by you.

Dry January’s a real mistake –

What’s wrong with drink, for heaven’s sake? –

You need some solace for the ache

from Auld Lang Syne.

This media hype of misery?

Blue Monday’s got no pedigree.

Give it two fingers: we agree.

Uncork some wine.

D.A. Prince

My kingdom for a decent horse!

My life has surely run its course.

Remorse invades me: here’s my soul,

It’s filing for a quick divorce.

The wrapping paper fills the bins,

Soaked in the dregs of flavoured gins –

Begins to feel like asystole,

Unsteady on post-Christmas pins.

The tree’s been tipped, I’ve packed the decs,

And Doom is Imperator Rex –

My specs are rosy-tintless. Bowl

Me no more googlies. It’s a hex,

The New Year letdown, scourge or curse,

That lets the Christmas cheer disperse,

And worse, plays dirty whack-a-mole

With hope. Send me round the hearse!

Bill Greenwell