Spectator Competition: August society

In Competition 3363 you were invited to write a poem about holidaymakers from a local’s perspective. Thanks to Paul Freeman for this suggestion. There was a lovely crop of entries and once again there were too many runners-up to single anyone out. The winners get £25.

We hates and needs,
Waters and feeds
And sates the greeds
O’ grockles.

They loafs and basks,
Int’rupts our tasks
Fool questions asks,
Do grockles.

In shorts, no shirts,
They suncream squirts,
Coarsely they flirts,
Our grockles.

They makes their hay,
Comes, goes away:
We makes ’em pay,
The grockles.

Adrian Fry

To Bonnie Scotland summer has now come again
Although alas there is often quite a lot of rain,
But we welcome tourists who come every day
Across the Mighty Forth or the Silv’ry Tay
Or indeed any other way they please
If they spend a muckle lot of bawbees.
The tourists visit us from countries all
To see Auld Reekie’s famous festival,
And even His Majesty the King comes to Deeside,
Where his great-great-great-grandmother used to reside.
But also ordinary people often bring their wealth
To boost Fair Scotia’s economic health
By buying a sporran or even a sgian dubh,
Or a fine teapot shaped like a hielan’ coo,
And especially wee books of poetry
By me, William McGonagall (Bard), of Dundee.