Spectator competition: acknowledgment pages that say thanks but no thanks (plus: verse viagra)

E.E. Cummings does the anti-dedication in style in his 1935 volume tellingly titled No Thanks, which he self-published with financial help from his mother. Its dedication page contains a concrete poem printed in the shape of a funeral urn that opens with the words ‘NO THANKS TO…’ and goes on to list the names of the 14 publishing houses who had turned the collection down. The latest competition, which called for an author’s acknowledgments page that bears subtle indications that no thanks at all are due to those mentioned, required an altogether more softly-softly approach, with any ill will on the part of the author to be cunningly concealed beneath a veneer of gratitude. Christopher L. Gilbert, Jayne Osborn and Richard Hayes stood out and deserve an honourable mention. The winners, printed below, are rewarded with £30 each. Frank McDonald pockets the extra fiver.

Frank McDonald For bringing my book, Suffering the Insufferable, into existence I offer my enduring gratitude to my ex-wife whose raison d’être it was to provide constant inspiration.