Spectator competition: a lecherous poet gets his come-uppance (plus: Gove’s rules)

Given the kerfuffle caused by the recent publication of Craig Raine’s ‘Gatwick’ in the London Review of Books, I thought it might be interesting to invite competitors to compose their own poem about an encounter in an airport. Raine’s poem brought the Twitter bullies out in force to broadcast their disgust at an elderly poet sharing his lustful thoughts about young women. Fiona Pitt-Kethley’s submission imagines a scenario in which one of them wreaks her revenge: ‘We’ll see whose arse is large next time he comes/ To my desk in the airport. I’ve got chums/ With latex gloves and penetrating ways,/ Prepared to hold and search for many days.’ Others who impressed in an entry that was a nice mix of the poignant and the comic were Roger Rengold, Brian Allgar and Jayne Osborn. The prizewinners, printed below, are rewarded with £20 each. The bonus fiver is Chris O’Carroll’s.

Chris O’Carroll I slide my belt free from its final loop And feel my unmoored trousers start to slip, Untie my shoes and hand them over, stoop Again to roll my cuffs so I won’t trip.

A uniformed blonde tells me what to do — Stand here with arms raised, hold still to be        scanned.