Peter Jones

Socrates meets Keir Mather, the new Labour MP for Selby

[Getty Images] 
issue 29 July 2023

SOCRATES: I was walking back from the gymnasium when I saw Keir Mather, the new MP for Selby, on his way there. I had been told he was young and good-looking and went to a world-famous Oxford College, so I have been very keen to meet to him.

Hello, O Keir.

MATHER: And you too, Socrates. But what, therefore?

SOCRATES: Now that you are an MP, you must tell me what justice is. For that surely is a lawmaker’s main concern.

MATHER: Enough verbal games. Justice is defined by the laws. My job is to solve problems in the real world.

SOCRATES: Are Tory laws, then, just?

MATHER: Of course they are not!

SOCRATES: But you said…

MATHER: And I will change them and, I quote, by ‘my ability to process information and communicate it to people effectively, and to analyse complex problems and find frameworks through which to implement solutions’.

SOCRATES: Splendid – crystal clear! But come now, here is another problem to solve: what is a woman?

MATHER: Obviously, anyone who asserts that they are.

Get Britain's best politics newsletters

Register to get The Spectator's insight and opinion straight to your inbox. You can then read two free articles each week.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Comments

Join the debate for just $5 for 3 months

Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for $5.

Already a subscriber? Log in