Sobriety isn’t worth it

00:00 04:03

Michael Simmons has narrated this article for you to listen to.

Absolutely nobody feels better at the end of Dry January. Mornings are still a struggle, you’re as tired as ever, and if anything the neurotic voice in your head is even louder. Yes, you may have gone to the gym every Sunday, but how has your life improved? It hasn’t.

My own Dry January was forced on me by antibiotics. Though the NHS guidelines said the pills are alcohol compatible, my doctor (who has a record of my alcohol intake) took the liberty of writing ‘NO alcohol’ followed by five exclamation marks. This has allowed me to experience sobriety firsthand.

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The main findings from my time on the wagon were pretty depressing: the low level of simmering anxiety that starts when you take your first tentative steps into the pub and subsides approximately a quarter of the way into your first pint just persists for the entirety of a sober night. You don’t need booze to have fun, but it certainly helps.

Sobriety is an unhappy and anxiety-inducing state, but even so the puritans are winning. This month more people seem to be going sober than ever: 200,000 is Alcohol Change UK’s target. Most of my friends have swapped the bottle for some over-sugared elderflower cordial. A mate’s tech company opted for a spinning class instead of a Christmas party. And worryingly for those of us not joining in, none of them seems to be cracking under peer pressure.

One alcohol charity offers a ‘toolkit’ for how to succeed as someone newly sober in the corporate world. The tips include ‘before a work event or party, let the organisers know you don’t drink’. So can we soon expect ‘alcohol-free’ to appear in our colleagues’ email signatures right next to ‘he/him’? Later the toolkit recommends sharing non-alcoholic drink recommendations with colleagues to ‘help boost your self assurance’.