Smoking ban causes brewers’ droop

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. The Englishman turns to the others and says, ‘What’s that awful smell?’ ‘Och,’ says the Scotsman, ‘it takes a wee while to get used to.’ ‘Ah, so it does,’ says the Irishman, ‘’tis what pubs really smell like when you get rid of the smoke.’ Apologies for the Bernard Manning-style gag, but it illustrates the smoking ban’s unfortunate consequences: as the Scots and Irish will attest, pubs now give off a noxious aroma of stale beer, missed urinals, damp dogs and damp old men and the flatulence of both — plus the industrial-strength air freshener that fails to disguise it all. In fact, had Bernard lived to smell it, he’d find his Embassy Club in Manchester has an even worse whiff now that punters can’t smoke Embassy No. 1s there. And the ban is also causing a stink in City wine bars — not simply because share analysts can’t light up fat cigars over their glasses of port.