Sketch: David Cameron’s ‘greatest’ speech ever

This was Cameron’s ‘greatest’ speech ever if you count his uses of the g-word. Great Britain, great schools, great traditions, a great Conservative party, the greatest team a prime minister could have. Greater days. Greater Britain. Stepping stones to greatness. He mentioned the election with a gooey tinge of Gift Card Dave. ‘As dawn rose, a new light, a bluer light fell across these isles’.

And he dispelled any lame-duck thoughts. On the contrary, he acted like an anxious boozer loading himself with trebles just before closing time. He’s going to fix everything. Poverty, discrimination, inequality, addiction, crime and the rental crisis. Large chunks of this speech would have been cheered by the Fabian society. He called for a ‘national crusade’ to build more houses – (‘crusade’ being a Labour copyright word.)

The Eton boy offered himself as a redeemer of the underclass. Usually when a top Tory mentions prostitutes and criminals at conference it’s to deny all the allegations.