Shared Opinion | 29 November 2008

If there really is a secret Zionist brotherhood running the world, why aren’t I a member?

I know that the Iranian regime is famously confused about quite a lot of things, but if they are right about David Miliband being a member of a shadowy Zionist conspiracy, I’ll be absolutely livid. That bloody man has all the luck, doesn’t he? I’ve been waiting to be invited into the secret brotherhood of Jews who rule the world for years now. Nothing. Not a kosher sausage. Not a big-nosed sniff.

Although I did once have a very weird conversation with Vanessa Feltz. It was at the party after a premiere of some sort at the London Film Festival a few years ago, and I found myself next to her in the coat queue. I asked her what she thought of the film, and she fixed me with a curious look and said, ‘Well, it was just goyim doing goyish things, wasn’t it?’ Seriously.