Sadiq reveals his priorities for lawless London

It’s not just The Smiths who warned of panic on the streets of London. The capital’s crime rate isn’t doing terribly well these days with five stabbings, a shooting and an acid attack all in the past week. Indeed, 2021 was a record year for teenage homicides in the great metropolis. Even former boxing champion Amir Khan has now claimed the capital is ‘a very dangerous place to visit’ after being mugged of his £70,000 watch, telling Sadiq Khan to ‘pull his finger out’ over the issue.

Fortunately, it seems that the city’s beloved mayor has indeed finally listened. For this morning Sadiq published his advice to wannabe crime busters on the streets of London, tweeting that ‘violence against women and girls starts with words’ and ordering the capital’s youths to cut a series of ‘sexist phrases’ out of ‘your vocabulary.’ Among the list of offending words include – gasp – the label ‘drama queen’ and – shock – the use of the word ‘crazy’ to describe a former partner.

Presumably describing Sadiq’s choice of priorities as ‘crazy’ would now fall foul of City Hall. Steerpike just hopes that the next time the Mayor of London meets one of his favoured rappers like Kojey Radical who uses words like ‘bitches’ he takes the opportunity to raise such linguistic tips.