Rod Liddle: Neknominations – this is what the internet is for

Wouldn’t it be boring if everyone behaved much as you behave? If everyone expressed themselves similarly? Let a thousand flowers bloom, I say. Take the case of Torz Reynolds. You are almost certainly not called Torz and I would guess, too, that you count few people within your circle of friends who abide under that name. I don’t know where it comes from, Torz. A shortening of Victoria, I would guess, although it is not beyond the bounds of possibility that she was actually christened Torz, much as people these days are christened Jayden.

Anyway, that’s not the point. Torz, who is 26 and lives in London, decided that she should make a public expression of allegiance and affiliation to her boyfriend, and naturally enough she chose the medium of tattooing to effect this end. In a rather touching manner, then, she had the legend ‘Chopper’s Bitch’ inscribed on her arm in big letters, just below the elbow. And she wore it with pride. However, a little later, she became irked somewhat when she discovered that the eponymous Chopper was simultaneously and surreptitiously squiring another — perhaps similarly fragrant — young maiden around town. So she availed herself of a scalpel, or a razor, and sliced off the words ‘Chopper’s Bitch’ along with a fairly large proportion of her lower arm, wrapped the excised chunk of flesh in clingfilm and sent it to Chopper through the post. No, I don’t know how Chopper reacted. Chopper, sadly, has been unavailable for comment. But a heavily bandaged Torz observed: ‘At the end of the day it’s only skin and it will grow back.’ That’s what I mean — let a thousand flowers bloom.

And much as it is with Chopper and Torz, so it is with neknominations. This is, I suspect, something else from beyond your immediate field of experience.