Restaurant

My partner has bought a wood. Seriously, he has. He simply came home one day and said, ‘I have something to tell you.’ Oh good, I thought, he’s leaving me. Now at last I can get on with my life. ‘I’ve bought a wood,’ he said. My partner likes the outdoor life and camping. He’ll often go off for a few days, big rucksack and frying-pan bouncing off his back. I tried camping with him once but ended up sitting in the car for two days with the heater on, crying and wishing I was in John Lewis. I guess I am more the indoorsy type.

He has, it turns out, bought four acres of beech and oak in the Chilterns, Buckinghamshire. Would I like to visit it? ‘You bet!’ I lie. It is always a testing moment when a gentleman shows a lady his wood, but it is a very nice wood, full of wood, with a view over wheatfields.