Reefer madness

After some consideration I am not sure that I can get excited about the debate as to whether cannabis should be classifed as a Class B drug or whether, as the Home Secretary Charles Clarke decided last week, it should remain Class C. Rather, I am coming round to the conclusion that it should be declassified as a drug altogether — and reclassified as a banned foodstuff. Instead of being handled by a bunch of creepy do-gooders from the drugs’ charities, the battle to keep it off the streets would then be run by the zealots of the Food Standards Agency. You wouldn’t get dopeheads and smalltime dealers being let off with a caution on the grounds that it isn’t fair to burden young people with a criminal record; they would be heavily fined, branded a danger to the public and named and shamed in the local papers. Just ask any former sandwich bar-owner who was imprudent enough to serve an egg sandwich made with mayonnaise that was a few days out of date.