Melissa Kite Melissa Kite

Real life | 8 March 2018

I am lying on my back, paralysed and freezing to death, and I can’t get him out of my mind

issue 10 March 2018

‘I bet Brian May isn’t lying on his back in a field shelter wondering how long it’s going to take for the snow to cover him and whether the horses will just poo right on top of his frozen head,’ I thought.

Then, groaning in agony, another annoying thought surfaced in the annals of my resentment banks: ‘I bet Ricky Gervais hasn’t just schlepped a 30-litre container of water from his upstairs shower to a field of horses because the troughs are frozen and not refilling.’

Basically, it was tormenting me almost as badly as the pain in my wrenched back thinking about all the lefties applauded as ‘animal heroes’ at stupid awards ceremonies, just because they’ve posed, gurning, with a picture of a badger (not a real badger because that would eat their hands off).

‘Where are all the so-called animal heroes when it’s time to schlepp water to livestock in winter?

‘And why am I thinking all this when I’m lying on the ground in a field unable to move?’

I shifted around so I could get my hand in my pocket.

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