Melissa Kite Melissa Kite

Real life | 7 January 2012

issue 07 January 2012

The Slobs are alleging ‘soft tissue damage’. I’m not surprised that this is the diagnosis of the doctor appointed by the lawyer pioneering their attempt to defraud my insurance company.

The Slobs, you may remember, are the charming couple who claimed I had seriously injured them both when I rolled into the back of them at 3mph in a traffic queue on Streatham High Road, leaving not so much as a scratch on their bumper.

I can only imagine what the medical examination to assess their claim was like.

‘Please, take a seat,’ a nauseous doctor must have said as one or other or possibly both of the Slobs put their clothes on and galumphed back out from behind the curtain. ‘Now, I’m going to say you’ve got soft tissue damage.’

‘’Ere! What you on about, you poncy swine!’ would yell Mrs Slob; ‘I ain’t lost a packet of Kleenex! I’m crippled, I am!’

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