Melissa Kite Melissa Kite

Real life | 31 August 2017

How anyone can have a power trip over picnic benches is beyond me, but evidently they do

issue 02 September 2017

My friendly neighbourhood Lib Dems have put some campaign literature through my door.

In a covering note, they intimate that they don’t understand why I can’t understand why everyone votes for them round here. The leaflet features a dozen pictures of our Lib Dem parish councillor doing good works in a variety of settings.

Here, he poses in a green field with the Lib Dem parliamentary candidate — a persistent young chap I’ve had to ask to leave my front step on more than one occasion. There, he poses on the high street at a traffic black spot where he has discovered there are secret plans to install a roundabout. Lawks a mercy! Thank goodness our local man is on the ball, has caught the big cheeses at their usual game of being up to no good, and saved us from having one of those murderous, newfangled roundabouts in our village.

Beneath that, there is a picture of him outside a neighbouring parish rooms with the exciting news that a joint neighbourhood plan for this village and other nearby ones is being drawn up.

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