Melissa Kite Melissa Kite

Real life | 28 January 2016

It’s easy: just ask how much they charge to remove a pea-sized cyst from a spaniel

issue 30 January 2016

My attempt to have a small cyst removed from the spaniel was always going to be fraught with difficulty. My vets are in a posh area of London and have a name that sounds like a multinational reinsurance broker. This is because similar amounts of money go through their books.

To save their blushes, let’s call them Simon Fleece and Associates. When I call, the line rings a few times, then there is a pause before it begins to ring again in a different tone. When it answers, a girl says: ‘Simon Fleece and Associates answering service how may I help?’ My formerly friendly local vet is now so big and money-grubbing it has a separate call centre to take overflow calls, I realise. I am very, very scared.

I tell her I want to book an appointment and she says she will take my details and the time I want and get the receptionists to call me back to confirm.

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