Melissa Kite Melissa Kite

Real life | 28 April 2016

No more neurotic menopausal fruitcake; it’s time to unleash my difficult side

issue 30 April 2016

The gloves are off in my battle with the two brothers who live in the flat upstairs. They have just socked me a brutal left hook. And so no more am I going to be the neurotic, menopausal fruitcake downstairs. From now on I am going to unleash my difficult side.

It’s a shame, because when they first moved in I thought they were going to be the neighbours I had always dreamed of: handsome and polite, with a look of dread in their eyes whenever I banged on their door. When I explained that the wheelie bin must be put out at right angles to the kerb at 8 p.m. sharp on Wednesday night, they did it. When I told them they had better not clank about in high heels they said they wouldn’t.

One of them in particular I liked a lot, the one with a quiff like Tintin, who said ‘ha ha ha oh yes ha ha’ to whatever I suggested.

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