Eerily enough, I was watching Catch-22 when it happened. We were just about to get to the part where Yossarian learns that the only solution to his problem is made impossible by a circumstance inherent in the problem itself.
Suddenly, I keeled over on to my knees. The boyfriend looked at me askance. ‘What? What’s the matter?’
‘Pain! Can’t breathe!’ I gasped. I crawled down the hallway to the loo and will leave out what went on in there for quality control purposes.
Suffice to say that when I emerged the boyfriend had come to the conclusion that the organic salmon I ate for lunch had been altogether too organic.
He was busy vowing legal action against the owners of the restaurant where I ate it when I emerged from the bathroom, still on my hands and knees, gasping ‘999!’
I lay on the bed gulping like a fish as the boyfriend phoned the emergency services.
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