Real life | 20 June 2019

‘Take a seat,’ said the prospective lodger as we stood in my dining room. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand,’ I said.

‘Perhaps you’d like to sit down while we discuss things,’ he said, producing a folder which he waved at me.

Something was wrong here, even I could work that out. ‘Discuss things? What things?’ I asked, backing up a bit because he was a big fella — 6ft something, lanky, with long unkempt hair that made him look like a premiership footballer after a bad night out.

He advanced towards me with his folder. I backed into the dining-room table. The builder boyfriend was going to go mad. He had told me not to do viewings when he wasn’t there. But as he doesn’t want another lodger, I have to do the viewings on the sly, when he’s out.

The tall guy came closer. ‘Discuss my credentials,’ he said, flashing his teeth. ‘No, don’t worry about that,’ I chattered nervously, ‘my last lodger, you see, I took her on without checking anything.