The really useful thing about relationship break-ups is that you get to eat up all the out-of-date stuff in the fridge without fear of food poisoning. It took me a while to work this out. There was I going around moaning, ‘Oh, I want to die’, and it not occurring to me the many positive benefits of being in this morose state of mind. Until I came back from town one night having failed, again, to interrupt my state of mourning to go to Waitrose and, finding one piece of Nando’s chicken still in the brown paper bag on the third shelf down, hit upon an idea. I know, I know. Only men are meant to live like this after someone has ditched them.
The thing is I’ve always had a very well-developed male side. I’ve always been in touch with my ‘inner man’. It doesn’t take much to get me squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle.
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