Melissa Kite Melissa Kite

Real life | 18 May 2017

Men who can rip up a basement floor with their bare hands have ceased to exist inside the M25

issue 20 May 2017

The builder boyfriend has dug himself a hole. I don’t mean he’s in trouble with me. I mean he has literally dug himself a hole, in our new backyard.

Since we moved in he has been digging there, sinking deeper into the earth on the lower ground floor level until he has almost disappeared. At first he dug happily, then diligently, then like a man possessed.

Sweat dripping from his brow, swearwords from his lips, he dug and dug, piling up earth, rock, brick and crazy paving in a huge pile in my cottage garden. Any time I dared to ask what he was doing, he yelled for tea with sugar. As I unpacked boxes, he dug away, becoming ever more Neanderthal.

‘Why don’t you take a break?’ I suggested, tiptoeing down to him with cake.

‘Because I’ve got to shift this floor.’

And he duly moved from digging up the patio to digging up the inside of the house.

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