Melissa Kite Melissa Kite

Real life | 16 July 2011

Melissa Kite's Real life

issue 16 July 2011

Melissa Kite’s Real life

After three hours waiting, I am taken into a cubicle to be told by Nurse Ratched that there is nothing she can do. ‘Dermatology is not an emergency,’ she says sadistically, as I sit scratching myself into small pieces in front of her.

‘If I cut my hands off to stop them itching will that make it an emergency?’ I ask.

‘You’re very agitated,’ she says, with a scheming look. She intimates that she can probably have me committed to a secure mental ward if I continue to demand treatment from the NHS on a Saturday. So I leave. It’s time for the private sector.

I phone my celebrity dietician friend and he tells me to get myself to the Princess Grace near Harley Street. It has a private A&E, which is worth visiting if only to infuriate one’s socialist friends.

Comments

Join the debate for just $5 for 3 months

Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for $5.

Already a subscriber? Log in