Melissa Kite Melissa Kite

Real life | 15 February 2018

I trashed the screen — accidentally on subliminally purpose, then pretended I couldn’t get another one

issue 17 February 2018

After much thought, I am toying with the idea of faking my own death.

I mean in a virtual sense, but as virtual reality is more important than physical reality nowadays, this is pretty heavy stuff.

Specifically, I want to cease to exist on Facebook, Twitter and all other social networking platforms, where I barely exist anyway because they frighten me so much, but where I have what is known as ‘a presence’. Do not scoff. I have reason to believe it may well be possible to do this.

A few weeks ago, I faked my own iPhone death. People said it couldn’t be done. But I managed it by trashing the screen, accidently on subliminally purpose, and telling everyone that my phone provider wouldn’t let me have another one until I was due an upgrade in three months’ time, which was true — thanks, EE — and that I was refusing to buy one sooner on principle.

Get Britain's best politics newsletters

Register to get The Spectator's insight and opinion straight to your inbox. You can then read two free articles each week.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Comments

Join the debate for just $5 for 3 months

Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for $5.

Already a subscriber? Log in