Real life | 12 July 2018

This was going to be about how a major phone company surprised me by delivering a fantastic service.

I was quite excited because secretly I have always wanted to be forced to admit that in spite of my rock bottom expectations, all is right with the world.

It began when I went into the Carphone Warehouse to buy a new iPhone, something I had dreaded and put off for so long that my old iPhone was held together with gaffer tape.

I sat down with a nice chap and told him I wanted a phone exactly like my old one, because I’m weird. He said they no longer did 64 gigawotsits — he said the proper word, obviously. The available options were 32 or 128 and he recommended 128 because 32 was impossibly low and I wouldn’t be able to download. I explained that I didn’t download. ‘What, no apps?’ ‘No apps,’ I said.