Read all about it | 23 May 2013

In Competition No. 2798 you were invited to choose one of the following real headlines from regional newspapers — ‘W. Norwood “Curry Cat” murder latest’, ‘Badger shot by St Ives locksmith’, ‘“Smug” Swans attack dalmatian’ — and to submit the full report behind one of them. ‘Smug Swans attack dalmatian’, from the Ham & High, features in a collection of choice local-paper headlines entitled Whitstable Mum in Custard Shortage (other nuggets include ‘Oven removed from home’ and ‘Road stays open’). The winners earn £25. Adrian Fry takes £30.

Wendy Sownder yesterday found herself the terrified witness of an attack on her dalmatian Lewis by the increasingly eccentric swans of Swindon’s Queens Park. ‘They simply came up and bit him,’ a tearful Ms Sownder explained, ‘and then stood there, smugly preening themselves, knowing they wouldn’t be prosecuted.’ She is not the first to suggest that the swans have evolved an awareness of their immunity from prosecution — established in 1490 — and are relishing their position above the law.