How much screening does a person have to go through in this country to obtain a rabbit? Being recently lagomorphically bereaved — and newly single — I am in desperate need of new pets. I always adopt a stray after a break-up. It’s how I came by the legendary giant black rabbit BB, now passed on, God rest his soul. He was the creature I brought home to make myself feel like living again after the wedding I called off. No wonder he grew to the size of a dog. It was a big job.
Oh, and by the way, to anyone thinking of consoling me, please do not even think of telling me in a squeaky voice that my beloved BB has gone to ‘bunny heaven’. Just because I am 38 and let rabbits run loose in my house does not mean I am retarded. (Am I even allowed to say that word any more?) I may be a fool for a fluffy ball of fur but I am perfectly sentient. I know that when rabbits die they go where all the other pets go. To proper heaven. To be with Jesus and grandma and Elvis.
Anyway, I have just tried to register on a rabbit rehome charity website and have filled in a form which I am sure is longer than the form I would have to fill in to adopt a child. ‘Have you kept rabbits before?’ Hard to know where to start with this one. I would have loved to have given my long and colourful rabbit-whispering history. But as there was only a yes/no box for an answer I ticked yes and moved on.
‘Do you have rabbits now?’ Yes, I explained. A recently bereaved male rabbit called TT. I know you’re not meant to put two boys together but my friend found him in a box by the side of the road and he really took to BB, in fact, a bit too well, if you know what I mean.
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