PMQs sketch: Oily backbenchers, superwonks wrong-footed and a Tory wall of noise

Cameron expected to walk into a firestorm of mockery at PMQs following his retirement bombshell. Quitter. Lame duck. Get yer pipe-‘n’-slippers. But barely an audible jibe was flung from the Labour benches. The Tories on the other hand greeted Ed Miliband with a roar that scared the pigeons in Parliament Square.

Miliband and his superwonks had conceived a brilliant plan. Well, brilliant if you’re a superwonk. All available questions would be used to amass a Great Pyramid of Betrayals out of the PM’s broken promises over five years. Pointless really. Strictly for the bubble. No hope of making ‘the Six’.

And Cameron wrong-footed Miliband. Asked to promise not to hike VAT, the PM assented, ‘Yes’. Then he invited Miliband to reciprocate by vowing not to raise National Insurance.