PMQs sketch: In which Jeremy Corbyn rebrands the plan to make Britain ‘an offshore tax haven’

Mr Corbyn has spent a week shuddering at goblins that don’t exist. At least outside his head. But he wants his posse of demons to exist in our heads too. So he keeps conjuring them up. He says Mrs May is about to turn Britain into ‘an offshore tax haven.’ Being a Puritan he hasn’t noticed that this has an attractive, Hefner-ish feel. It suggests white sands and azure waves, the tinkling of steel-drums, and bottles of Red Stripe being served at ten cents a time by pouting lovelies straining out of their bra-cups.

To be fair, Corbyn’s team of wordsmiths have spotted the problem. So the boss has been given a tastier version which he deployed at PMQs. Mrs May is about to make us ‘a bargain basement tax haven off the shores of Europe.’ But it still sounds pretty peachy. ‘Bargain basement’ suggests low prices, and ‘off the shores of Europe’ has a restful late-August feel.