PMQs sketch: Everyone talks about nothing, while no-one listens

Let’s have a breather. It seemed like a truce had been tacitly declared between the party leaders at today’s PMQs. Instead of going on the offensive, Cameron and Miliband turned their solemn and unified gaze towards the sorrows of the eastern Mediterranean. Miliband asked about Syria. Cameron used the opportunity to take a pot-shot at the EU, still agonising over the arms embargo. Their sluggish and dithersome talks, he said, reminded him of the hesitation that caused needless bloodshed in Bosnia. Cameron wants the rebels to get tooled up pronto and to finish off the appalling Assad regime. He called it ‘hateful’ three times, just be sure.

Next the EU bank-raid in Cyprus. The immediate question of liquid cash produced this strange announcement. ‘A plane full of money’, said Cameron, ‘was on its way to Cyprus last night’. ‘Cripes’, muttered backbenchers, ‘has Asil Nadir skipped the country again?’ He also announced a temporary freeze on benefits and entitlements, presumably until the heist is over, and the gang has scarpered back to northern Europe with the loot.