PMQs sketch: Dave prepares the Fortnums hamper for his food bank visit

It was the croc that didn’t snap, the firework that failed to fly, the jeroboam that refused to go pop. Last week, David Cameron’s speech on Europe was supposed to heal a two-decade rift within the Tory family and to set Britain on a bold new course in our relationship with the continent. A week later and the great In-Out gamble didn’t rate a mention at PMQs. Not a peep. Not a syllable. Not a whisper. Ed Miliband didn’t bring it up either.

Their mutual silence isn’t hard to explain. Both parties are acting tough but remain vulnerable on the referendum question. Cameron will accuse Miliband of not trusting the voters. Miliband will accuse Cameron’s MPs of not trusting Cameron. Hence the non-aggression pact.

Instead they gave us a bubble-and-squeak debate on economics. It consisted entirely of re-heated slops. Miliband wheedled at the prime minister for failing to revive the economy and Cameron wheedled back that he hadn’t ruined it in the first place.