Oh Scotland! You’ve really let yourself down. You should be ashamed.

Lord, grant me strength. And serenity. Further evidence emerges that supporters of Scottish independence are losing their minds. Yesterday Iain Macwhirter was in full Can we no do anything right? mode; today it’s the turn of Joyce Macmillan to wallow in self-pity.

Again, you see, the problem with Scotland is that it is full of Scottish people and, golly, some of them hold nasty, inconvenient, dismal views. They are the enemy within. That may sound nastily conspiratorial but, hell, it’s not my view. To wit:

On Monday morning, as the final Euro elections results were being confirmed, I made my way up to the NHS outpost in Lauriston Place in Edinburgh for un ultrasound scan.

I was feeling so traumatised by Scotland’s lapse of judgment in electing a Ukip MEP – and by England’s alarming decision to prefer Nigel Farage and his crew to all other parties – that I found myself peering suspiciously at everyone in the waiting room; the guilty 140,000 Scottish Ukip voters must be somewhere, I reasoned, so why not here?

Traumatised, I tells ya! And feather-footed through the plashy fen passes the progressive vole.